As I continued on my journey, I also had to confront the uneasiness and lies I had been told in regards to the “world” and “wordly knowledge.” Growing up, the messages I heard were: The world is evil; Things in the world are not of the Father (God); If you love the “world” the love of the Father is not in you; Worldly knowledge is humanistic; Science is wrong; Most people who go to college loose their faith; Satan has a powerful agenda in the world; if you don’t follow all the rules, you will end up in hell, etc. In this space, I felt tons of fear and a resistance to be able to ask questions, disagree, hear all sides of debates, or challenge ideas or dogma that did not make sense to me. Logic and reason were demonized and any turning to the right or left from the hierarchal/religious structure was considered rebellion.
Because I wanted to be accepted (and loved), I complied with all the rules and structures, believing that, in doing so, I would find happiness and peace. But to my great surprise, the opposite actually happened. I was left in turmoil. The ignorance forced upon me by “religion” kept me small, trapped, and controlled. Because I was so sheltered and protected from the “world,” I had no help or resources to give me other perspectives or balance. I thought I was the only one that was like this; that I was somehow “flawed” or “wrong.” I spent years of my life hating myself because I was not like everyone else (in my environment) and could not just accept what I was told to believe. I found that I could not come to terms with the discrepancies I experienced between what I was told to believe and the actual manifestations of those beliefs upon my heart and my spirit.
And so here is my conclusion – RELIGION KILLS & IGNORANCE IS NOT BLISS!
Once outside my controlled environment, I found a world full of wisdom, beauty, and compassion. In fact, I found that when people are free and not controlled by fear, they have a much wider perspective on life and greater hope for humanity. As history will show (and I am devouring and fascinated/horrified by what I am reading and discovering) ignorance and the confines of religion, are more often than not, the instigators of division, hate, killing, and war. And those people who challenged the discrepancies were often killed. (Ironically, decades later, many were heralded as heroes for bringing an end to some kind of oppression.)
I am convinced that this is my journey as well (not being killed, but I have faced a lot of rejection). I was born to challenge ideas and structures that keep us ignorant, small, judgmental, critical, hateful, fearful, and oppressed. And for the first time in my life – I have found the courage to give myself full permission to do this! I no longer care what people think of me; if they disagree with me; if it makes sense to them; if people get angry or mad; if my process looks messy to them. I know that I am 100% connected to God and am carrying out His call on my life. If I am so lucky as to be able to impact a small few, set a few people free, then my life, my story, my pain will all have been worth it!!!
I bless all of you! You are all wonderful, beautiful, unique, and precious! Your life matters! Don’t be afraid to be who you were called to be!
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