Did you know that you could be codependent on the church?
Codependency is an unhealthy relationship dynamic where a person feels excessive emotional and psychological reliance on another.
In regards to the church, codependency can look like elevating and needing pastors and leaders, as well as the rules and dogma of an institution, to be the supreme authority and governance over one’s life. In more simple terms, this looks like: seeking and needing validation and approval from those believed to be more spiritual than you; blindly following all the rules to gain acceptance; complying with the established belief systems and dogma to be perceived as holy and righteous; refraining from asking hard questions or sharing differing perspective so you don’t appear wrong or deceived; avoiding conflict and mess at all costs (in other words, not being authentic) so people will not think you are screwed up; etc. no matter how destructive and damaging this can be to your own personal health and wellbeing.
Codependency in the church seems to stem from a narrative that says, “One size fits all,” meaning everyone must fit into the same small box we have established. It is fine if that pretty little box was made with you in mind or if you are the one who made the box, but many of the rest of us do not fit inside that box. Our box looks different, but it is just as pretty. There are even those who cannot be confined in a box! What a wonderful glorious thing that is!!! Boxes are stiff, cold, hard, stale, and dark – but most importantly, boxes are not authentic.
The biggest breakthrough of my life came when I became aware of my codependency on the church, of my trying to fit inside a box that was not made for me. I began to experience true freedom and authenticity when I broke that hold, validated and grieved the trauma and pain it had caused me, and began to love and accepted the REAL me!!!
There is nothing that compares to the peace and love that unity and love within yourself and for yourself brings!
Why don’t we get real and begin to break all the boxes and let people be authentic and free! Let’s begin to learn how to love the beautiful diversity in God’s creation!
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